Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
