you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize