Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
