You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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