doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
