hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
