i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just blew my weed a kiss
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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