He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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