I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
