Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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