It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
