she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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