Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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