how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize