Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
