I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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