Pappa wants mamma naked
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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