i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
