Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
