I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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