i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
