im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
