franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
