i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
