just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
