I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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