the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
