if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
