I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
