when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
