When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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