I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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