Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
