that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
