Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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