I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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