She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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