is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
