I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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