Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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