i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
two words: eviction party
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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