you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
