I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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