AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
