I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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