i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
