the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
