you mean i was at the winter classic?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
