Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
