me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
