I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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