I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
