u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
