Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
