I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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