FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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