I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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