yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He shit in the fireplace
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
