yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
