I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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