How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
