So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
