she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think people are normalizing furries
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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