My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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