Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
