I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
