I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Green mimosas i think yes
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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