what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
