"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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